An Open Letter to the Guy I’m Sleeping With…

*Disclaimer.  In prior posts I have tooted my own horn, saying I could give said person up, that I was a stronger woman.  Turns out, it’s harder than it looks.  Throw your fellow female a bone here*

Dear Current Guy in my Life,

 

First and foremost, I apologize that I wasted your time today.  You spent time looking forward to seeing me… and, as you now tell me, you regret that time wasted looking forward to seeing me.  I understand I ruined your day.  I told you to go home but you decided to stay.  I told you not to wait around for me, that I would be late.  But I guess I should’ve just told you that, after a 15 hour day, I just want to go home and have a glass of wine.  Alone.  In my pajamas in front of the TV.  I’m sorry I ruined your day.

I was having a great day today.  The best in a month.  Lately I have been feeling dark, alone.  After all, my friends are few and far between, my family doesn’t talk to me and, lately I feel like I can’t even run.  I didn’t even have work to rely on because I haven’t felt good at that.  Drowning.

But today, I was actually feeling happy, and hopeful, and like I mattered.  I felt as though I was doing well at work, and I had something going on.  And then you texted me.  You texted me and you wanted me to meet your immediate need.  The decision to hang around was yours.   I kept working.  I got tired.  As I prepared to got home I had a moment of “well, maybe I can see you for a minute”.

But a minute later I realized I can’t just see you for a moment.  Seeing you means the presumption of sex.  Ladies, I’m going to say it.  Sometimes, I don’t want to be sexy.  Sometimes, I want to be human.  I look forward to seeing you, but sometimes I want to see you as a person.  And I want you to see me that way, too.

So, as it turns out, you also ruined my day.  I was having a good day.  You reduced me from whole to a hole.  Just so I could feed your ego a bit and make you happy.  And suddenly, again, I’m alone.

But I’m so sorry that I ruined your day.

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