*Disclaimer. In prior posts I have tooted my own horn, saying I could give said person up, that I was a stronger woman. Turns out, it’s harder than it looks. Throw your fellow female a bone here*
Dear Current Guy in my Life,
First and foremost, I apologize that I wasted your time today. You spent time looking forward to seeing me… and, as you now tell me, you regret that time wasted looking forward to seeing me. I understand I ruined your day. I told you to go home but you decided to stay. I told you not to wait around for me, that I would be late. But I guess I should’ve just told you that, after a 15 hour day, I just want to go home and have a glass of wine. Alone. In my pajamas in front of the TV. I’m sorry I ruined your day.
I was having a great day today. The best in a month. Lately I have been feeling dark, alone. After all, my friends are few and far between, my family doesn’t talk to me and, lately I feel like I can’t even run. I didn’t even have work to rely on because I haven’t felt good at that. Drowning.
But today, I was actually feeling happy, and hopeful, and like I mattered. I felt as though I was doing well at work, and I had something going on. And then you texted me. You texted me and you wanted me to meet your immediate need. The decision to hang around was yours. I kept working. I got tired. As I prepared to got home I had a moment of “well, maybe I can see you for a minute”.
But a minute later I realized I can’t just see you for a moment. Seeing you means the presumption of sex. Ladies, I’m going to say it. Sometimes, I don’t want to be sexy. Sometimes, I want to be human. I look forward to seeing you, but sometimes I want to see you as a person. And I want you to see me that way, too.
So, as it turns out, you also ruined my day. I was having a good day. You reduced me from whole to a hole. Just so I could feed your ego a bit and make you happy. And suddenly, again, I’m alone.
But I’m so sorry that I ruined your day.